Or to Deny, often understood as a 4 letter word.. Something bad, something we should avoid ‘doing’
Yet is it?
We weren’t born in denial, we learnt how to do it, it was a survival mechanism employed to help the vulnerable young get through childhood. Problem is we never got over it, the art of denial that is, and have become masters, so much so that we are no longer even aware we do it.. Deny that is. Listen to the denials arising in you as you read this!
There are different ways to look at this, aren’t there always? One, we learn to shut out traumatic memories and the associated emotions as a result of experiencing, what is considered by the young child, to be situations that were both beyond our control and extremely uncomfortable. This is learning to survive a hostile environment. The big challenge here is that this type of denial seems to set us up to continue to experience similar situations later in life, and because of the associated memories, continue to deny the experience.
Associated with denial is blame. This is a conditioned response, often having no relevance to the current experience. When we hit out and blame another, even though we may not be clear on why we are doing this, other than the buried emotions are so strong that we live in fear of them ‘taking over’ our lives, as such we keep them buried, out of sight, out of mind. Denial.
Without understanding what is happening and why we remain victims to our memories.
Another aspect of denial is to recognise and accept that the world we know is going to hell in a hand basket. Rather than see this, we bury our heads in the sand and pretend it is not happening, This is another form of survival technique, though the old Grim Reaper cares not whether you can see him / her / it coming, you’ll still get your head chopped off! Scary.
We often fail to make the connections between our own past conditioning, which led to our advanced skills in denial, to the current way we deal with problems that arise in our everyday lives, even the problems that we refuse to acknowledge. And this is how many spend their lives, so deep in denial they don’t even know they are there.
People learning their way through ‘Clearing’ often confuse some of the process with denial. Is this really the case..
Denial or Liberation
According to some, we need to face down our denial, or maybe, face up to our issues, in order to move past them. We need (really?) to open the can of worms that is our childhood, face the nightmares and move on, only by doing this will we be free of the past.
Well, thanks, but no thanks. Been there done that. Got the ‘T’ Shirt, etc etc.
Just what was it that we were denying in the first place? An experience that we found too challenging to cope with? And why, well likely because we had only just learnt to walk, and were nowhere near developed enough to handle over the top trauma, well duh! But now, older, hopefully, though doubtfully, wiser, do we still need to hang onto the past ways of dealing with life’s challenges? Yet we have come to believe that this is who we are, a conditioned person behaving in a conditioned way, responding (reacting) to conditioned experiences.
Lets take another look at denial, from a more enlightened point of view.
Denial is simply to not give energy to something. A point of view, an emotion, a thought. Simple.
Now, we assume that the points of view that we have acquired along the way reflect who we are. Trouble is, if denial is a learnt response, then there must have been someone existing before denial came knocking on the door. In the pre denial state a lot of the problems we face today never existed, they only arose in the past because of the way we handled life’s situations (denying them).
So, prior to denial entering our vocabulary, we accepted all that was, no judgement, no blame. In other words, it was all handled very nicely thank you very much. Post denial we became much more judgmental and into blame, having preferences, ‘denying’ various experiences because the memory was too painful to revisit. Life all of a sudden, started to get much more complicated.
Denial wasn’t always associated with extreme trauma, oftentimes it was just how our parents / siblings educated us, but, denial nonetheless.
If we denied because we didn’t have the physical strength, the emotional maturity, the mental awareness, then, to this day, we remain victims to that past conditioning.
But what, really, are we denying?
So, what exactly is it we are Denying?
If we accept that we deny in order to not feel what we assume to be pain, then we can narrow it down to the denial of a chemical change in the body that we either hold in judgement (based on a chemical response in the body), associate with painful memories (chemicals) or an overwhelmingly uncomfortable emotion (chemicals).
The bottom line, in all cases, is a shift in the chemical composition of the body brought about by a memory. We are afraid or embarrassed by something that is no longer real or relevant. By our continued denial we perpetuate this pattern, spending a lot of time and energy keeping the memory buried and the associated feelings (chemicals) from arising in our awareness.
As a result of this ‘denial’ these ‘hidden’ aspects of ourselves, essentially, these ‘unloved’ parts of us remain un-dealt with, unloved. They are still a part of who we believe ourselves to be albeit a hidden, sub-conscious part. But these parts continue to affect the experiences that show up on a daily basis, and more importantly, how we ‘deal’ with them. So, whether we are aware of it or not, we are caught in a loop, always trying to manage what shows up without recognising the part we play in creating that reality.
We are denying experiences that have no relevance to our world today. There is so much evidence being presented these days about how the world is re-imagined, moment by moment. We string those moments together and get a movie which we call life. Each moment has the potential to be new, really new, not just a rehash or repeat of the previous moment. Yet our conditioned mind, subject to the art of denial, simply recreates the next moment from what it considered the reality of the previous moment.
It would appear that we are creating new moments based upon a previous moment based upon a previous moment, none of which were in any sense of the word, ‘real.’ Following this line of ‘reasoning’ whatever, in the past, we assumed to be real, was just another illusory state that we gave energy to, thus making it manifest. Once it became manifest we had to ‘deal’ with it, thus giving it a sense of reality.
Yet if all of these past moments were simply the product of an ‘unclear’ or ‘deluded’ mind, what really, are we denying?
We are denying a memory of trauma that only existed because we were taught to give it energy, to be afraid, to be ashamed, to be whatever.
Learning to love all aspects of the self by no longer giving energy, by no longer judging, by no longer blaming, by no longer taking personally that which arises, is what ‘Clearing’ is all about. By learning how to love the self completely we create a new moment where denial has no place. When each new moment is not created from a place of fear, blame, judgement or identification with the chemicals that arise then the manifesting reality will shift. Away from one in which we find ourselves disempowered, into a truly empowering future..